Sometimes i really wonder, if something happen to me, will they even care?? Will they even bother to visit me?? Will they even bother to ask how am i doing?? Lately, i've been feeling that same kind of feeling i felt a month ago. Lonely, ostracized, outcast, unwanted, despicable. I thought i was all done wif the "trying to get use" n "accepting the fact" that i am now finally alone n far away from them. They haf detached me(not officially) from being part of the family. Maybe it's not they....it's just she. How could 1 person make such a great impact on u? I've lost count of how many months we haf been avoiding each other, but i'm sure it's more then 4. I hate this feeling inside of me. Why am i bothered so much by it??



It really is easy for ppl to say be patient, dun care abt them, just be strong n soon it will be over. but let me tell u, it really is difficult when u are the one facing it. Just imagine this, everytime u are the last one to knoe abt any family function n how u get to knoe it is also by chance. U are not invited on the dining table whenever they are having a meal. U've done quite a no. of accomplishment but they see it as one of ure evil schemes. And the worst of all, u see ure brothers making the same mistakes as u but they bounce rite back into the "family" while u still remain outside in the storm. Yah..i'm not lying when i say sometimes i just wish to get away frm here, whichever path i had to take. But i knoe it's all wrong, i knoe that it will not solve the problem actually. So here i am, still, surrender-ing myself to all kinds of "torture", holding my hands out begging for a drop of love n fairness n ure jugdement. But no, u are as blind as before n i am as stupid n fool as ever.



I had a dream last nite. I was married to u-knoe-who n we build a 2-storey house by the seashore. He had his dream car n i had my wish: peace n sanctity. Of course there's cats all over the house. U're reading a ladycat's dream..hello?? *knock knock* But anyway, wat i'm trying to say here is tat, wat i dreamt of last nite was exactly wat i've been wanting. But wat actually made me to dream of that?? Was it because i'm tired of living in this house, or was it because i haf this urge to marry him as soon as possible.


Well, my "soon as possible" isnt gng to be as soon as possible. Coz by reality check, i still haf lots of things to settle off first other then settling down. Yah, i'm 19, n i'm talking abt marrying someone. Amusing?? maybe to u. But i feel more secured wif my future in his hands now. I just cant wait to b the mother of his child.