Had a pretty bad day lately. Had a fight with my mom and so now, we're not in talking terms...again. Just wonder wat did i do wrong. So tired of her childish arguments. Tired of all this.....U knoe, most mothers would be close with their daughters. How come mine's not?? Is it my fault??

"Have you ever feel like everyone else is against you and you are left standing
all alone? Well I have...everyday. But today is worst than the yesterdays.
Sometimes I do wonder, why is it that they hate me so much? Maybe I am evil.
Maybe I do deserve all this. Maybe I am like what they say I am. Maybe...

But I too would like to be treated as a daugther, as a family. Why is it that you
always spit and despise me like as if u haf already disowned me? What wrongs
did I do to earn such humiliation, such abuse?

Maybe I'm just overly-sensitive. Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe this is how all
daughters should be treated. Maybe she's just trying to teach me. Maybe...
In times when u really need them most, they're all gone. In times when u really
need a shoulder to cry on, there's none left to be use. In times when u really
need someone to run to and pour out ure feelings, all doors are closed. In times
when u really feel like dying, there's no one to save u.

I'm all alone...

again."

Wrote that 2 days ago,the day i fight wif my mom. was so pissed off with her. Cant believe that i'm still hoping that things will change someday. Oh well, i hope that that someday wouldnt take so long to arrive, coz i'm at the tip of my patience already. One day u might even find a my face in the front page, "Girl Ran Away Leaving a Suicide Note". Hahha...as if, i wish man. Can become popular for a while. keke...anyway, when I was feeling really bad tat time, I baked myself a cake. It's a marble cake. A strawberry, chocolate marble cake to be precise. And it was perfect!!! The bottom's not burnt, there's no "tumor lumps" on the cake, it's not sunken and smell's nice too!!! I'm getting good at this. Next time, i plan to take orders for Hari Raya. But must perfect the skills first. Was gng to take a picture of the cake and post it here so that u all can drool over the cake...keke...but when i take a look at it todae, there's left only 1 small piece. Man...that was fast, i was hoping that it could last for at least a week.

Went to meet Ijal after that. I knoe it's already late and if i were to ask my mother for permission, all i get is a kick in my ass, so i did like wat my bros usually do, just walk out. Hehe..felt good actually when u do that once in awhile. Brought along a few piece of my cake for him to try, and its a good thing he didnt "pretend" vomitting and play dead. Coz if he were to do that, i would get the shovel for him. Went to eat pizza hut, (getting sick of that place) then we went SHOPPING!!! haha...bought myself a bag from Yellow. The person says that i was the first customer to buy that "new arrival" bag. hehe...It was nice lah, i really cant resist it. K i guess this month i haf enuf shopping already. Better resist the temptation before i go off my budget. Still need to save to get a digicam, preferably by my next payment.

So 1 ting i learned tat day was, life is always full of ups and downs. So when u're feeling down, always try to pull ureself up again instead of sulking over it.

Peace!!

love u sayang

So long never update my blog. Was too lazy to come online, and for the past few days, i've been out most of the time. On Wednesday, went to Ijal's house just to laze around. Then we went to watch "Exorcism of Emily Rose". It wasnt so great like wat my fren told me. It's the typical exorcist story. I've watched like 5 different stories about exorcism and almost all of them are about the same. The onli thing is tat, this one they put it in a more modernised way. And the way they approach it is different...so oklah. It's not that bad. But i still like the very first exorcist movie with green gooey vomitus, 360 degree spinning head, and the gerl floating above the bed. Yah...that exorcist movie was still the best to me. Talking about exorcist, i think my phone need to be exorcist too. The thing kept on turning off and on by itself, and sometimes hangs. Damn it...becoming so irritating already. Time for me to get a new phone, which i dun tink that i can get anytime now. Just haf to bear with it for a while.

On thursday went to watch Harry Potter with Aisyah. haha...the movie was superb!!! Feel like watching it again. At first, i felt half hearted to go coz most of the gerls can't make so it was left onli me and Ais and furthermore, yesterday was our 17 month's anniversary so by right i should be out with him celebrating our anniversary but i've already promised Ais a week ago that i would go and watch the movie with her. So I went to meet Ais at PS. I'm glad thta i did coz if i didnt go yesterday, i tink i wouldnt be watching Harry Potter movie again, just like last year. After the movie, we went shopping!!!! Haha...went to tis one shop and they were having a sale actually. Wanted to get the pants yesterday for $39.90 but decided not to coz I still need to save for other more important tings. Then i remembered, I haf not gotten my mother's Bdae gift yet. Hahha...her birthday was on the 23rd Nov, that was on the Wednesday. The WHOLE FAMILY forgotten about her bdae...including me( wat a good daughter I am, keke). So i decided to maybe buy a huge dinner back home and we can haf a belated bdae party for my mom, but then, i dun think my brothers will be at home n I'm sure by now, my mother would haf cooked already. So wats the point of having a table of food when there's nobody at home. So i decided to get her handbag. She's always complaining of "needing" to haf a new handbag. So actually, i manage to spot a perfect handbag for her which wont cost me a bomb either, but...."somebody" does not agree wif the buying of my mother a bdae present. It's a long story but i knoe wat that person meant. Was feeling kinda unfair. I knoe that she's been bad towards me but sometimes, she do treat me good. And i knoe wat it feels like when ppl forget about your bdae and not getting a single gift on ure bdae. So that is why i want to get it for her coz i kinda pity her. But other ppl wont knoe that, they can onli say that i'm stupid and dumb enuf to be nice to her and trying to make her happy. Just wish tat someday...he'd understand me more then just trying to make me happy by telling me to disrespect her and not to listen to her, it's more than that. I knoe that i'm always complaining about her adn i knoe that u were just trying to help me when u told me to do all those things, but to tell u the truth, it onli makes it worst. I'd rather be the way it is now then to get more hits form her. U dun think about that i suppose. Maybe to u, i'm happy after doing wat u told me to, but i'm not. I hurt even more coz u just wouldnt listen to wat i haf to say. Even if u're listening, i dun tink u get wat i was trying to say. And it wasnt about my mother alone that i'm not happy about. There's more....but u just wouldnt listen. Seems like we fight more than we talk. Maybe we're not suppose to last....


hate everyone

Went raya visiting with my primary skool frens todae. Been 6 yrs ++ since i last saw them. Was so excited to see them again. haha...n wat make this outing special is tat, i manage to contact Wandi. Our famous "bad boi" kid in sennett. He's like the worst of the worst notorious kid we could haf n always looking for trouble wif the teachers. But somehow, with all that problems he caused, the teachers still do favor him. Anyway was supppose to meet the 3 of them at punggol at 2.00pm but as usual, some ppl dunno how to read the time. They call it "janji melayu" (malay's promise). If u promise to come at 7pm, they will turn up at 7.30pm. Total strength was 4 of us which in the first place was suppose to be 6. That is y i hate to be the organiser. When u organise everything perfectly according to their desire, in the end they backfire u. 1 will say they couldnt make coz gt class lah...another 1 haf to go off early for training lah....excuses, excuses, excuses. In the first place, y they agreed to come, waste my sms onli.

First house was Farah's house. She's the tomboy in our skool n the only gerl who plays soccer wif the guys. But todae, u cant spot any of the "tomboy-ness" in this lady wif the "kurung biru". Haha...She has changed so much n getting prettier day by day. No wonder somebody is falling for her...keke. After Farah's house it was the cikgu's house. Miss the cikgu's so much. I will not deny, because of them i haf a great interest in Malay. If can, i would like to turn back the time n go JC instead of poly coz my 1st ambition was to be a Malay teacher. So i really dunno how i can get into nursing but i'm not regretting it too. Nursing has a great future for me too but i just wish tat i had chosen the other path instead of tis coz i love Malay more than Biology.

Last house was my house. Haha..pity them lah coz my house got no more kuih. So lazy to bake another batch coz after this, i dun thing there's anybody else coming to my house. After my frens left, guess who turned up. My old neighbour!!! Haha...so long never see them. Last time they use to stay at my block then they moved house to somewhere in Woodlands. So after 7 yrs , now then i get to see them again. Last time the daughter, Raihana, used to be my childhood bestfren...(she is still now though)....n almost like everyday we will play together. Miss those childhood times. But everything's different now. If last time we will talk n scream n gossip like hell when we see each other, now it's just silence n "far-distant" smile. That 7 yrs has made us to be strangers again n i kinda dissapointed by tat. Heard that she's now a religious teacher is some realigious skool...tats good actually. Wish u all the best!!




me, myself n i...in the toilet

spot tis poor creature on the way home. aaawww.....

back to my house...last house by the way. n wandi should consider himself DAMN lucky to be sandwiched by 2 beauties....

there's always time for a quick shot. heading to another cikgu's house

at my cikgu's place. so old yet so strong....

friends reunite!!
(frm left: wandi, farah, me, sufiyan)

~WooOoohOooo~
Todae is my last day for KKH posting. YIPPEE!! Going to haf my break at last.....so since todae is my last day, of course we should slack around and just haf fun!! muahha...yah, todae basically i just slack. I didnt even bother to help around in the ward much coz i just wan to haf fun..keke. Took some pictures in the ward....





Welcome to Ward 75....















the "torture chamber"....haha..tats wat the kids call it coz this is where the doctors will do all kinds of procedures to the child. And by the way it's called the treatment room lah actually...











Just look at the number of milk bottles. So u can imagine how many milks we haf to make per meal.....
*do not try this at home*

The whole shelf is filled with ALL KINDS of milk formula. Watever brand u wan...just name it...we haf it.

Faces of Ward 75....

I hate todae. Todae is really not a good day for me. Had a bad day at home and a really really bad day at werk. At home, mother kept on nagging non-stop. Spoils my mood only. Dunno what she's nagging about also. Sometimes i really feel like my ears are going to explode soon. And sometimes i really feel like shouting at her to keep her mouth shout for 1 day. I really cant haf peace at home. And everytime, always haf to look down on me n say all the mean, irritating words. HELLO!!...i'm your daughter ok. Mothers dun go around and say how stupid, ugly and useless their daughter is. And mothers also dun critisize their daughter every single day. Sometimes i really feel like running away from home. i just dun knoe wat is so bad about myself. I'm sure there are kids out there that is far worst than i am. My bro ezpecially. Why doesnt she jump on him on small things? Howcome they got the luxury to do most of the things and i dun? And howcome she always side on them but not me? Hate them all...

At werk also, it sucks like hell. Was so busy todae. There's so many discharges n so many admission todae. And unluckily, the staff nurse in-charge for my side is a "blur" one. *haiyah*...she only knoes how to order us around. Telling us to do this n that, but in the end her werk is still not done. And i really wonder what was she doing tat has been keeping her so busy that she cant do other werk at all? I dare to say that most of the things are done by us, student nurses. It's like, as if we haf been werking there for yrs already and that we knoe how to do almost everything. We can even run the ward on our own. So proud of ourselves. But i still find it sucks coz it was really really busy until we had to delay our breaks 2 hrs later. I dun think i wan to go through that ever again. And yah, my fren gave the wrong milk to a 3 day old baby. Ok, that was the only heart racing incidence we had for todae. The mother told her to make the milk for her baby. She was supposed to make "Anfalac AR" but the thing is she haf not done milk using that milk powder before. So she doent even know how the tin look like. So she asked a staff nurse which one is "Anfalac AR". Unfortunately the staff nurse she asked was a newbie herself, n that staff nurse handed her the wrong milk poowder which is "Enfalac A+". So when she gave the milk to the the mother, the mother found out tat it was wrong milk after feeding the child half of the milk. "Anfalac AR" is supposed to be thicker so the one she was feeding, she find it very liquify. So the next thing happend, we gt a complain. But i dun think it's my frens' fault. I mean she consult the staff nurse when she's in doubt and that staff nurse was the one who gave her the wrong thing. I dun see howcome its her fault. But anyway, she still had to explain the story to the ward sister, just hope she doesnt fail her attatchment. i mean, tml is already our last day, such a watse if she fail.

My sayang is sick todae too. He say he kept on vomitting in the morning n had diarrhea. Went to see the doctor n he said that he gt food poisoning. Kinda funny lah, coz the day before, he went to his frens house for raya visiting. then suddenly todae gt food poisoning. Must be his frens poison him. keke...but hopefully he feels better now. Had slight fever too but i dun tink its tat serious. "Muah...wish i could be there to take care of u sayang. Get well soon k."

yah...sorrie zie. decided to change the skin back to its original one coz the other one, i find it too crampy. it was nice the first time i see it but after tat...it's becoming to be a pain in the eye. i hate crampy, small things. veri the irritating. Anyway, i'm still gng to need your help coz i wan to add some things into the blog. Want to make it more interesting..hehe. So u still cannot escape form me.

I bathed a 1 month old baby todae!!! I was so scared to even hold him. He's so small n the skin is so soft. I was so scared that i will crush him or something. Especially when he started crying.... U WILL PANIC LIKE NOBODY"S BUSINESS. Luckily got my staff nurse beside me n she really had to guide me step by step how to bath the baby. keke....she even had to hold my hand to put the baby into the bathtub coz i refuse to do it alone. ok..so after the bath, we had another exciting mission. We had to collect urine specimen from 1 of the patients. The staff nurses told us to catch the urine using the bottle. And when she say catch, she really mean "catch". We laid the baby down, took off her pampers, open up her legs n waited.....n waited.......n waited.....for the urine to shoot out so tat we can "catch" it. HAha!! We were laughing like hell inside. Even the mother commented, "if wan to pass urine, at least make it look a little bit more natural lah..". haha...i get wat she mean ok....but hey, it's really damn difficult to catch it ok. u haf to be damn patient. We stood there for like almost 2 hrs, tickling the baby's stomach, forcing her to drink more water n making the annoying "sshhhhsshhhhh" sound. In the end it was me who need to go n "peepee". But at last, we did manage to catch it lah. Luckily we didnt miss that shot, if not....i'm not gng to wait for another 2 hrs ok!!

After that, there was noting much to do. It was back to taking the vital signs n making "susu" for the babies. A very interesting day todae...

10 am...i was already at Boon Keng mrt sation wif rusydi n zie. As expected, they are sure gng to be some ppl who need to teach them how to read the time. N some more one of them leave so near to mrt station but yet can still be so late. Haiyah....these ppl ah, need to put them back in P2. Anyway, sya wasnt feeling well so she cant make it for the outing. *sigh* wat a waste. was so looking forward to meeting her. But it's ok, we went to her house anyway n her mother's cooking was superb. I love the boneless chicken n that interesting "Roti john". She made it like a Hawaian pizza which was veri the nice.

Total strenght was only 6 of us who turn up for the outing, It was rusydi, me, zie, iszhar, rahman n her gerl, vivian. 1st house was Zizie's, n we had fried macaroni there. Was nice too. 2nd house was mine, coz iszhar's n rusydi's house was not ready yet. Then we went to sya's house, rusydi's n iszhar's. Every house there was a meal spread on the table and so by the time we reach iszhar's house, my stomach was bloated already. I'm very sure it will explode soon if i were to put in another spoon of food into my mouth. Tell u a secret, i was actually looking forward to going iszhar's house. wanna y?? coz there's CAT!!! hehe..the cat is so cute!! This was the cat that we gave him when we were in sec 2 coz none of us were able to bring it back home. Everitime if i go to his house, i MUST ask for the cat first. keke....he must be sick n tired of me already. So after iszhar's house, we went to Rahman's house. That was the last house. suppose to go to cikgu Zu a.k.a Zoo house but she last minute "bubble"(trick) us. She said she wasnt free for the whole day. DUH!! must be she scared to give us "duit raye"(green packets). oh yah!! talking about duit raye...i was surprised tat we gt it at every house. i was expecting that none of them would give coz we all are so big already but in the end we do get some "collections". haha...guess we are not so big after all.






me n zie at my house bus stop. we were sweating like hell that time. all thanx to the weather...















"Manhunt 2005"
the contestants are iszhar, rahman n rusydi!!
(from left to right)











n now, "Singapore's Next Top Model"...
the contestants are, Syasya, me, Zie2 n Vivian.
(from left to right)
by the way both photo were taken at sya's house










tats me n the cute cat at iszhar's house. CUTE RITE!!




















the whole "raya group" at iszhar's house. rusydi just cant keep his hands to himself....







After that i headed for home. Was planning to go to ijal's house but he told me not to n by the way, i was feeling sleepy already becoz of the full stomach. Met zizie online and she helped me to change my blog's skin. hehe...THANX AlOT ZIE!! ALL HAIL ZIZIE!! keke...suddenly she just motivated me to not be "buta IT" (IT blind). and she had just motivated me to continue doing my webpage n so tis will onli be my temporily blog. i hope so....

Was doing morning again todae. Spent the whole day cleaning again. i should really consider of changing my profession. Tis time we had to clean the Store Room. u knoe, store room is for storing items, not for display. i wonder y we haf to do thorough cleaning for tat. but anyway, suddenly i somehow like my ward sister. She talked to us for a about 1 hr just now (where else she told us tat she will only take 15 mins. Huh!! sisters will be sisters) n within tat 1 hr, i was quite amazed by her speech. She was so knowledgable, it's almost like she had an ans for every qn we shoot at her n some how, those explaination make sense. Not like my previous ward sisters, this ward sister has somehow made me respect her. Although she look kinda fussy, naggy, auntie-like, but to us, she showed the different side of her. She was more of an advocator.

Then after tat, guess who showed up. NEMO!! Nemo was so cute. The way he walk was like "orang cacat" (disabled person), with the flapping fins n wobbly head. haha...but the kids love it!! except 1 lah, she was screaming n crying for her mommy when the nemo tried to hand her a sticker. The rest was like chasing him around. And when Nemo had to leave, 1 boy even cried for him to come back. haha...shoooo cute. they usually haf this kind of cartoon mascot visit once every month. was kinda interestinglah. Then i got to knoe from my staff nurses that Ronald MacDonald also came to the ward just 2 days before we start our first day attachment. N since Christmas is coming, Santa will be paying them a visit too. Interesting huh!

After that, i went home n get changed. Time to meet my sayang. hehe...was so looking forward to it since morning. Went to meet ijal at Dhoby Ghaut. huh...somebody was late. Went to eat at BK n watch Doom. The movie was awesome. Love the effects but the storyline was kinda confusing for a non-Doom game player like me. But i love the part when they make it like a game view. It was very exciting. After the show, we headed home. Tml still have to wake up early for my raya visiting with the sec. school frens.

Forgot 1 thing, ijal mama gave me a green packet. YIPPPIEE!!! n i got $20 from her. haha...so happy. First time i get such a huge sum of money from a stranger (ok, not really a stranger but u knoe wat i mean rite). Called her up to say thanks n was surprised by how motherly she sounds. And this really makes me think, how much different is my family with his. His family is like so perfect, happy family, with no everyday quarrels or watsoever. Mine, u can even say it's broken. I hate my 1st bro, my last bro is a gone case and my mother.....sometimes i hate her too. maybe it's just me who doesnt knoe how to be thankful, maybe it's just me who really cause all this to happened, maybe i'm just overly sensitive. But to think about it, if ijal n me were to marry, i dun think his family could fit into mine n vice versa. We're just different...

yesterday was kinda boring...not much things to do other than playing wif the babies. n i just found out tat our wardhandling the B1 n A class rooms. man...i'm gng to haf a hard time here with all the special request. but anyway, yesterday i achieved someting tat i can really be proud of. i manage to put an angry, crying baby to sleep. hehe...such a huge accomplishment. then after tat..its back to playing wif the babies...*sigh*.

todae was slightly different frm yesteday. todae we had a change of profession. we bacame "the cleaners" for the whole morning. all we did was to clean the "preparation room"....n i really mean CLEAN. there r like 50+ plastic compartments, 20+ shelves, medicine trolly, e-trolley n a fridge to be wipe. we were like spending the whole morning in the room slaving ourselfs away. they had to do the spring cleaning coz the JCI is coming. it's a group of auditors who will come to visit the wards n check on the ward's infection control, fire safety knowledge n etc. if the hospital fail during the JCI, they will be audited again. sometimes i find tat it's kinda "leceh" to haf all tis auditors coming coz we obviously haf lots of tings to do in the hospital already. but then..if they dun do tis, singapore hospitals wont be so clean, hygienic n systematic as it is now. n by the way, todae the onli i manage to haf a good look of my ward sister. she gt tis fierce looking face but kinda havoc look. its like those kind of auntie who goes to the pub. moreover her make up was like 3 inches thick. even the blind can see her make up. n she doesnt do anyting but to order ppl arnd not to do anyting. tis ward sister sure is so much different frm the previous ward sisters i had. she kept on nagging n nagging n nagging "this one cannot put here....this one must do like this....u all students can dun just stand arnd....." rubbish!!

tml had to do morning again....then gng to go out wif my sayang after work. so long never see him, gng to be 2 weeks mayb. miss him so much....but dunno where to go n wat to do. nvm...can decide later. just happy coz can c him tml...lucky ting KKH is near my house so can go home n bath first, dun haf to carry so many tings. just hopefully tml doesnt rain.....

miss u sayang.....

alot.

Damn It!! i swear i dunno how the hell they make up their own webpage. i've been trying to set up my own n rite now i'm stuck wif the "web hosting" part. i give up lah....can't be bothered to figure out all tis "computer stuff". i guess i haf to join the "computer illiterate" club already.

anyway, todae was my first day posting at KK hospital. 1st ting, i was lost in Little India. i haf no idea where KKH is n so i took 1 huge, big, enormous round to reach KKH. 2nd ting, KKH is so different from SGH. even in the hospital, i still can get lost coz i dunno where WArd 75. 3rd ting, when i reach my ward n start my duty, i dunno wat to do at all. everyting is so strange to me. i see kids n babies everywhere. 1 is shouting his lungs out, another one is running arnd like as if he's in a marathon n another one is jumping on the bed (probably she tinks that she's a kangaroo). I'm gng to be in this ward for 2 weeks!! and looking at tis, i dun even tink i can survive for 1 day. i thought they r suppose to be sick children, the kind tat always stay in bed wif the pale, half dead face. but these children are practically running, jumping n hoping arnd. i tink we r the ones who r gng to be sick after taking care of them. my first assignment was to prepare milk for one of the babies. n guess wat, i use up 5 whole mins staring at the shelf filled wif a whole lot of milk powders of different types n sizes. HOW THE HELL DO I PREPARE MILK!!! 15 mins later, i came out wif the milk bottle in my hand. haha...1st obstacle battled!! next assignment, change baby diapers. Warning!! Warning!! Warning!! Danger Ahead!! hey, i onli knoe how to change the apek's diapers ok, n now u wan me to change the apek's grandchildren diapers...?? i really cant survive. changing a small kids diapers is totally different frm changing an apek's diapers. before u touch the baby, they already started screaming n crying. by the time u finish changing the diapers, u'd be deaf.

but in the end, werking there isnt so bad after all. just tat i'm not use to it. spent most of the time strolling arnd n talking to the babies with some unknown language. it was fun actually when the babies are in the good mood. 1 tink i learned was Never ever make the babies angry. u'd be sorry... oh well, hopefully tml would be a better day. haf to learn as many tings as i can. tis is my only posting to KKH so might as well make a gd use out of it. next time can babysit for others already..muahha. Dream on....